Wellbeing First, Ambitions Second

I had a burnout last year. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. 2024 was the worst year of my life. But now that I have recovered I feel better than good. Although I am not an expert, I hope that this article can help you feel better—mentally and physically—and prevent you from getting burned out. 

I thougt I knew “everything” when I graduated my Operations Research master in October 2023. Moreover, I was convinced that I was supposed to know everything. I was a 24 year-old with a university degree. I had to find a well-paying and well-respected job, I had to move out, I desperately wanted to have my life entirely figured out, which, as it turns out, is impossible.
I thoroughly enjoyed writing my thesis on the optimization of a part of the NS railway timetable. I felt very good, generally speaking. The contrast to how I felt after having defended my thesis could not have been greater. I spent exactly zero hours or effort into applying for EOR jobs during my studies. So I still had to get started. As some of you may know, the job application process for corporate companies in 2025 is… terrible and can even be considered as degrading in my opinion. Getting a response takes absurdly long. When you get invited to an interview, you better know that this will be the first of five. Also that you are still likely to be rejected in stage four.

Although I didn’t face a lot of rejection, the process still wasn’t good for me. I was not going outside a lot. Instead, I stayed in, scrolling social media, YouTube and LinkedIn while worrying about others’ expectations. Combined with some other unfortunate personal things, I think I actually had a “bore-out” in this period. Whatever it may be called, I wasn’t in a good mental state to start a new job.

I can list 100 things which were wrong about my job. It wasn’t a good fit at all. Some inattentive guy that was promoted to manager was supposed to be my boss; I had a buddy, but he worked from home 75% of the time; I had to be in a terrible open office where it was impossible for me to do any work. I was overstimulated 100% of the time I was there. How do these people get any actual work done? No wonder engineers are so expensive. ProRail was our main client, so in my opinion, we were just wasting a lot of taxpayers’ money. But I have no figures to back this up.
From the beginning of working in this literal hell (for me) I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I didn’t enjoy things that used to be fun or even amazing. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or get to know anyone new. I had trouble with basic mental tasks, such as reading, writing, using Outlook, doing simple calculations, following a train of thought or making meaningful conversation.

Three weeks in, I called in sick and talked to my general practitioner (doctor). After exactly a full month, I quit. I just quit. My boss still doesn’t know that I had a burnout and that that is the reason I left. I didn’t want to go to a company doctor. I just knew I never wanted to be in that office again and that I didn’t want to have anything to do with this corporate, meaningless hell.
I expected to feel better immediately after I had quit, but I was constantly in doubt about whether I had made the right choice. Moreover, I didn’t know what to do with my time and I still couldn’t sleep more than a couple hours a night due to stress. The not sleeping for over a month would already have broken me completely.

I did get help from a “praktijkondersteuner”, although in the beginning, I wouldn’t accept any advice nor accept my current state of being as “burned out”. I had zero perspective. It felt like my life would never improve.
It seems that acceptance is usually the first step of the recovery process. This isn’t only the case for a treatment of a burnout. But in my case, this acceptance step took about three months. I can say with certainty that I have never felt worse in my life. Moreover, terrible things could still happen to me, but I can’t imagine anything worse happening to me in the near future. To give you an idea.

At some point I had learned that only therapy isn’t enough. You recover by taking action. Doing valuable things that are not draining. Laying in bed or scrolling social YouTube and social media only makes things worse.
The sessions I had—later also with an occupational therapist (ergotherapeut)—were aimed at getting my life in order in a practical sense. What was I going to do all day when life felt absolutely meaningless and I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning?

Running and walking, and most importantly, going outside without any goals or expectations were the first activities which helped. After this came gardening—more specifically volunteering at De Ruige Hof, a nature association—which helped tremendously, also in the social aspect.
There are a lot of tips I can give you if you are not feeling well mentally or physically. Do note that I’m not an expert by any means.

1. Go outside regardless of the weather. If you’re waiting for the sun to shine in december in the Netherlands, you will never go outside and you will be more susceptible to e.g. seasonal depression.

2. Have a look at your diet beyond just counting calories. Are you eating too much ultraprocessed food? 70% of what you can buy in a supermarket is ultraprocessed. An even higher percentage of what’s offered there is unhealthy. Boycott the supermarket. Find a bakery, a butcher, a “groentejuwelier”. Your wellbeing is well worth the little extra you pay compared to the supermarket. That is, if you can afford it. If you can’t, find a way to. For example, try to go to one less restaurant a month.

3. Exercise; not necessarily more, but more effectively. Maybe you think you’re well underway and maybe you actually are. But the type, the intensity and the frequency of exercise that suits you is strictly personal. Start simple. Cycle to work. E-bikes or fatbikes don’t count. Go outside during your lunch break. Take (long) walks. Exercising (intensively) only once per week is not enough.

4. Take more and longer breaks. The Dutch “lunch break” of 30 minutes (or even less) is rightfully ridiculed by every mediterranean or non-western culture.

5. Be vigilant about your working conditions. Learn to say no (to your boss). Demand more breaks or time off in case you need it, and you are either studying or working in econometrics, so you probably do.

6. Stop rushing and obsessively caring about efficiency. Focus on efficacy instead.

There is a lot more I can write about this subject. If you are not feeling well in whatever sense, call your doctor. Now. The doctor will either help you or refer you to a psychologist, occupational therapist, dietician… whomever.

I want to finish cliché by advising you to be yourself and to try to care less or not care at all about what others think or expect from you.
I’m currently working for the VU University Press and for the VU Bookstore. I’m always in for a conversation about this topic. Or any topic.

All the best.
Martijn